Finally

His smile would light up my world. His touch would always warm my heart. And his tender "i love you" would tingle my soul. I can feel him with me even when he is away. What is that feeling in my stomach that i get when he smiles? I have never had that sensation before.

I promised I wouldn't let myself fall in love to easily ever again. All it brings is heart ache. I didnt fall for the last one. But with him it was impossible not to. I simply couldnt help it. He was just so wonderful. He treated me so well, sometimes I felt like I didn't deserve him. He made me happy and I hadn't been happy in over a year. But he made me smile to the point that my cheeks hurt after spending even twenty minutes with him. He made me feel like I was worth something, like i had a purpose, like life was worth living.

His voice resonated in my mind. Those words burned there like hot white flames. When he told me he loved me and asked me to marry him. That was the best day of my life. It was also the last day. While driving back from the glorious resturant i was admiring my ring. He released one hand from the wheel and took mine in his. He looked at me and whispered my name. He told me again he loved me and i cried from the sheer joy of it all. He wiped away the tear just as the scream escaped. The head lights were bright in our eyes from the forty ton truck the rammed into our little subaru head first.

The damage was catastrophic. He suffered major brain contusions and was in a coma for 19 months. Only twenty six years old... I was killed instantly. My body was gone but my soul lingered. I saw everything. I sat by his hospital bed everyday and willed him to wake up. After almost two years he did. And he was furious. All he wanted was to die and be with me again. I watched as day after day the depression ate him alive. I witnessed each slice he inflicted on his wrist as the guilt tore him open. I saw as he would lay in bed screaming from the nightmares of that hideous night. I regaurded as he drank himself into insanity. It was like dying all over again.

He was walking to his car one day when he was shot in a drive-by. As all of the feelings left his body and he was overcome with the blackness he thought, "finally." And when his body was dead his sould found mine, I said. "I've been waiting for you." He smiled for the first time in years and replied, "You are so beautiful." And we walked up the stairs to Heaven together. Exactly how it was supposed to be.